The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
