I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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