Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
