if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
