Welp...herpes.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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