Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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