In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
