Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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