Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm always down for nudity.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
