I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
