you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
