i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
