Nicole vs. Life
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
