I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
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