finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need to calm my uterus...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
