so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
