I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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