Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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