I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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