Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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