can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
it glows. i had to have it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
