I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
