Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
