You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
