Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
