idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
