these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
