rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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