he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
