HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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