I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
