I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
