I could have mohawked her pubes.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
