You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
