New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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