i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Randomize
