Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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