sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
