OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Who died my cat blue again?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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