it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
