just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
