Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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