i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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