I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
