i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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