My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
