I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
