Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
