It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
