I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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