Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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